regrets and mistakes [open]

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[atrb=border,0,true][bg=#C5C1AA][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=cellpadding,9,true][atrb=cellspacing,9,true] It had only been a week since Shoshona had left, but to Tar it seemed like a millenium. He was once again slipping into his instinct driven ways that Sho had saved him from. All he felt toward he at this point was anger. After all they had been through, how could she just disappear? the shared meal, the blossoming friendship, the falling in love, having pups, only to have his children die during a quake that seperated the family. There was nothing that Tar regretted more than taking that meal from her that first day. He probably would have died, but he would rather be dead then experience this pain. A snap in a bush by the river in the center of the canyon brought Tar back from his angry thoughts. Immediately, he pounced on top of a rabbit, tearing it's neck with fury. The rabbits foot kicked weakly before its breath was gone. Tar growled as he ate, consuming most of the rabbit quickly. Wheb he had eaten his fill, he put it on a ledge obscured by brush. He noted an image of a dog howling at a sunset scrawled on the wall of the canyon before dropping his forelegs back to earth. Tar walked to a shallow part of the river and laid down in the cool water, relieving the heat absorbed by his long black coat. He put his head down with his nose above water and closed his eyes, but kept his ears alert for any danger.

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[bg=#000000] His name was Dexter and he was a dog. He had woken up in the ocean. That was all he knew about himself. All the recent memories that he had made were forgotten, or merely just angrily pushed to the back of his mind. Dexter hadn't seen another being in months. And he was angry. Angry because no one was there to help him and he couldn't even help himself. This recent emptiness had caused him to become savage; Dexter needed socialization to survive. So it was a surprise when he spotted the lone figure down the river. It was dark as night and large. He looked familiar. Maybe Dexter knew him? Or maybe he just looked like someone Dexter knew. A low growl escaped his throat; he was intimidated by this dark figure and he didn't like it. But somewhere inside of him, he wanted to connect with this creature and communicate with it. Without thinking, he walked closer to the large creature. It was another dog. Dexter relaxed slightly, but still took a cautious approach. After all, there was no way he would win a fight if this canine happened to be aggressive.

[ZEPH]

[atrb=border,0,true][bg=#C5C1AA][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=cellpadding,9,true][atrb=cellspacing,9,true] Tar tensed as his ears picked up the sound of paw steps. He slowed his breathing and waited a moment before jumping up out of the water' spinning to face the newcomer. His teeth automatically bared' ears forward. His dark eyes scanned the dog, a low growl replying the intruders. The dog was smaller than himself, and had a shaggy golden and white coat. he couldn't help but feel he had seen the dog somewhere before, but he pushed the thought back. His eyes locked on the dog as it cautiously approached. "Who are you, and what do you want." He snarled, anger at his ex-mate overflowing into his voice and merging with his defensive aggression. "Whatever it is' you probably won't get it. Nobody ever gets what they want." In the last words he spoke, his voice revealed only a slight sense of sadness. His eyes drifted to the side for a moment before he sapped back to reality, back to his glare boring into the intruder. "Well, dog, are you going to speak or just stand there?" he asked angrily.

[Zeik]

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[bg=#000000] Yes, the other dog was most definitely aggressive. Dexter was most definitely not a mean dog. He tried to be, but after one growl from the canine before him, Dexter shrank back. He stopped walking forward, and flinched at his bared teeth. How would Dexter ever be able to survive if he couldn't stand up to another dog? He was pathetic. Immediately, he began to answer the canine, not wanting to anger him further. "My name's Dexter. I didn't mean to growl. I don't know what came over me." He frowned slightly at himself, his brows furrowing. "Whatever it is' you probably won't get it. Nobody ever gets what they want." You could say that again. A pang of sadness ran through Dexter as he listened to the other dogs words. Dexter never got what he wanted. Ever. Actually, how could he even know that? He didn't know anything about himself. "I don't want anything. At least, nothing other dogs could ever give me."

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[ZEPH]

[atrb=border,0,true][bg=#C5C1AA][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=cellpadding,9,true][atrb=cellspacing,9,true] Tar noticed how the other dog flinched and shrank back at his aggression. He was no threat to the large German Shepherd in a fight, obviously, but Tar still kept an aggressive stance. He listened to the dog speak. The nagging feeling of familiarity still picked at the back of his mind, but Tar once again pushed back the thought. "I don't want anything. At least, nothing other dogs could ever give me." Dexter said. Tar finally became slightly more relaxed, and stopped baring his teeth. He sat down, but his hackles were still raised and his eyes and ears still focused completely on the dog. Now that the two were closer together, Tar definitely knew he recognized Dexter from somewhere. The trouble was, he couldn't remember where. He tried to remember, and then a thought occurred to him. Perhaps Dexter was the dog he had met years ago, after he had fought his father and his sister had died. The young dog he had met was much more puppy-like, only about a year old, but he had shared some food with him when he was physically and emotionally weak, and Tar could remember a golden and white coat. Tars hackles fell and stared at the dog, trying to be certain if his memory was telling the truth. That was a little over two years ago, and he couldn't be sure. A lot had happened in those two years. Conflict, sarcasm, hatred... Love. But that was the past. This was now. He couldn't keep thinking of the past. In an attempt to shake thoughts of Sho out of his head, he spoke. "I am Tar. have we met before?" He asked, hoping for an answer that would clear things up.

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[bg=#000000] So the large black dog wasn't entirely angry and hostile. But there was no way Dexter would move any closer. He rested back on his haunches, studying the canine closely. Did he know him? Dexter began to think hard, using all of his memory remembering capabilities, but it was no use. The most he could do was just see a face that looked familiar. And even if he met someone that he knew before, it was really just one sided. Dexter wished for anything that could help him regain his memory. He even thought about hitting his head against a rock with full force, but he was too scared of inflicting pain upon himself. For now, he just had to deal with it and that was the hardest part. "Nice to meet you, Tar." Shaking his head, he gave the dog a sad smile. "No, I wouldn't know if we've met before." Dexter hated telling others about his condition, so he normally waited until the last second before he revealed his memory loss. Most of the time, people just felt sorry for him and he didn't want that. He wanted help. Help from someone who knew of a way to bring his memory back. But that's all just crazy talk.

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[ZEPH]

[atrb=border,0,true][bg=#C5C1AA][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=cellpadding,9,true][atrb=cellspacing,9,true] Tar's watchful gaze was still trained on Dexter, but his body was more relaxed, and his ears flicked around. He was glad that the dog hadn't decided to come closer. Even though he was no threat, Tar would not have been comfortable with a starnger being in too close prooximity. The black german shepherd watched Dexter's.expression change, reflecting his thoughts on his furrowed brow. "Nice to meet you Tar. No, I wouldn't know if we've met before."

[/b] Tar narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean you wouldn't know?" he snarled, ears forward again. "You either know or you don't, it is that simple." Tar had no idea the dog before him had severe memory loss, and he was ticked off by the answer. His hackles were starting to raise again, showing his temper. However, he stayed seated, and didn't bare his teeth at Dexter. Instead, he just glared with his reddish amber eyes.

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[bg=#000000] Dexter knew he'd have to be cautious around this dog; both of them were on edge. Tar, from simple untrust of him and Dexter, from the fear of being attacked. But he could tell that the dog was interested in his story. It was almost like he had known Dexter as well. Maybe the feeling of familiarity to this dog wasn't false. In the blink of a eye, the dog backfired and snarled toward him. Dexter's ears flattened against his head, taking a step back. Oh, he was no good at being tough. The curt, harsh words of the canine really frightened him and he felt that if he didn't give a sufficient answers this next time, he might be provoking the dog even more. But it was hard for him to talk about his...condition. It made him feel insignificant and stupid, like he was a patient at one of those human hospitals or something. "I'm sorry. No, I don't remember if I've met you before. My memory has been a bit fuzzy these past few months." He gave a small smile, hoping that was enough to calm the large dog back down.

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[ZEPH]

[atrb=border,0,true][bg=#C5C1AA][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=cellpadding,9,true][atrb=cellspacing,9,true] Tar watched the dog with fire in his eyes. After Dexter spoke, he dropped his red-amber gaze. His brow furrowed, and he lowered his hackles. Ears back, he looked back at Dexter, but without the angry fire in his eyes. "I am sorry, Dexter." He said. It was rare for the black dog to apologize, but he knew it wasn't fair to take out his anger about Shoshona and everything else on Dexter. His eyes closed as he winced from a pain in his stomach and his heart. How could she... And how could he have trusted her. He had dropped everything about himself, changed so much to be with her and make her happy, and she just up and leaves. It wasn't right... It wasn't fair. Tar finally opened his eyes and looked back at Dexter, a tinge of sadness replacing the anger that had been in his gaze. "You have no idea how lucky you are Dexter. Memories hold too much pain," He said, looking at the water going by. A fish was swimming up the river, struggling against the current. Suddenly Tar remembered the rabbit he had stashed earlier. A tinge of reluctance at the memory of sharing food with Sho was brushed out of his thoughts. Dexter seemed friendly enough, and company, however much Tar disliked it, would probably be good for the loner at this point. "Are you hungry, Dexter?" He asked, his rough voice uncharacteristically quiet.

[Zeik]

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[bg=#000000] Dexter relaxed, sensing that Tar believed his somewhat truth. He nodded, accepting the dog's apology even though Dexter felt bad for not telling him the complete truth. He didn't want to be known as the dog with the memory loss. He wanted to be strong, brave and independent. Though it wasn't looking like he was succeeding at that at the moment. Normally Dexter wasn't too great at reading others' emotions, but the emotions that Tar were displaying were pretty easy to read. He was hurt and looked to be in pain, not physically but mentally. He paused, about to ask the dog what was wrong, but Tar had already begun to speak. Dexter scowled gloomily, feeling the pain that Tar contained. "I'm not sure. Would you rather have them, or not have them at all and be an empty shell? Not knowing anything or anyone; being nothing." He might've said too much for the sadness was starting to crawl back into his soul. His stomach growled as if on cue. Dexter nodded eagerly. "Yes, I'm quite hungry actually. I forget to eat sometimes; food hasn't been the first priority on my list lately." He gave the dog a friendly smile hoping he didn't seem to weird.

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[ZEPH]

[atrb=border,0,true][bg=#C5C1AA][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=cellpadding,9,true][atrb=cellspacing,9,true] Tar looked away when Dexter asked if he would rather have the memories or be nothing. He was glad when the dog said he was hungry, and he stood up quickly. "I'll be right back then," he said, heading toward his stash. His thick black pelt was still damp from resting in the water, and he shook his coat out. Along with drops of water, pieces of fur fell out as well. He was still shedding for summer, although it had already begun. As he padded over to the ledge where half the rabbit was stored, he thought about what Dexter had said. Would he really rather have no memories at all? Tar thought about his past. Every memory that popped up in his mind was not pleasant. He stood on his hind legs for a moment and grabbed the kill out of the weeds before turning an heading back to Dexter. "Trust me, Dexter, I'd be better off without any memories. And I already am nothing. Well, other than of course being a dog. But I have nothing to keep me from being empty. With or without memories, I am an empty shell, and I would rather not remember," he said aafter dropping the rabbit before the golden dog. "You can have all of that. I already ate my fill." Tar looked back at the flowing water. The fish he had seen before was gone. Had it given up or prevailed over the washing current? The black dog looked back at Dexter, and after a moment of thought, spoke. "Do you remember anything? Or is it all just blank?"

[Zeik]

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[bg=#000000] Dexter watched as the dog disappeared and then returned carrying what looked and smelled to be a rabbit. His mouth watered with anticipation. He could tell the dog was pondering his previous question and Dexter was interested in what he had to say. He frowned at the dog's response, picking up the rabbit gingerly before tearing into it with care. Dexter was never a very vicious dog in anything he did. At this point in time, at least. "Thank you," he said with gratitude while thinking deeply about his response. The two seemed to have a different view when it came to memories, but Dexter wasn't looking to change the other dog's mind. His memories must have been so terrible that he couldn't bear to live with them. Dexter hoped his memories weren't that horrendous. "I'm sorry to hear that. There's nothing worse than being empty." Emptiness was all he had and all Tar had. They were so similar yet so different. It was funny how something so horrible could bring people together. Dexter's eyebrows furrowed at the dog's question. "It's all blank. Sometimes I have nightmares that seem so real that they have to be memories, but I can never be sure."

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[ZEPH]

[atrb=border,0,true][bg=#C5C1AA][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=cellpadding,9,true][atrb=cellspacing,9,true] Tar watched as Dexter ate the rabbit. He observed that this dog had a much more careful way of eating than he possessed. When he caught something, he simply tore into it with a fierce hunger and rage that could only be explained if you looked at his history. He realized that he vented while he ate, and as this dog had little to vent about besides having no memories, he didn't have a pent up violent streak. Tar looked to the sky. Only a long, river like streak was visible through the top of the canyon. The sky was beginning to darken slightly, and Tar knew it would be pitch black in the canyon in a while. Tar nearly jumped when Dexter spoke again. Letting his mind wander was not a typical trait for Tar, but then again, neither was being friendly to a most likely stranger. "I know. All I have left is my instinct to survive." he was silent as Dexter answered his previous question. A small pang of jealousy momentarily consumed Tar, but he took control of himself before he let any aggression show. At Dexters mention of nightmares, Tar froze. He remembered nightmares. He used to have them every time he slept. His eyes closed at night, and he would fall into a world where his father murdered his family over and over. Tars dark reddish eyes were wide as the visions of the slaughters flashed through his mind. He shook his head. He had long since learned to block out the nightmares, but on some occasions, when he was particularly exhausted, they returned, these times joined by visions of his ex mate Shoshona, and their beautiful puppies, and everything ending. He would be running, calling for Shoshona, and then his father would show up, with his jaws clamped around a daughters lifeless body. The ground would quake, and he would scream infury and lunges to attack, but then he would wake up, or worse things would follow. Suddenly, the black dog was back in reality, and he realized his body was shaking and his ears were flat against his skull. Having no idea how long this had been going on, he quickly shook himself out, stopping his quaking and lifting his ears again, trying to appear comfortable, although he was quite obviously still uneasy. "What do you dream about?" he asked, before quickly adding, "You don't have to answer that."

[Zeik]

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[atrb=background,http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v316/threegumbys/dextermid.png] Dexter had far more problems to vent about than many had thought. He just didn’t like to. He didn’t want to think of the possible thoughts that swirled through his mind that could or could not be true. Dexter didn’t know what existed and what didn’t. He was on a horrible balance between reality and imagination. But deep down, he had a feeling that none of this was in his imagination. All these horrible dreams that he had been having…those must have been true, or at least some form of the truth. Suddenly, he wasn’t feeling so hungry anymore. Putting down the little remains of the rabbit, watching Tar with curiosity. He could tell the dog had many troubles that occupied his mind. The black dog looked weary and exhausted; Dexter wondered if that was what he had looked like from tireless days of over thinking himself. Instinct. He frowned, shaking his head but ultimately understanding what Tar meant.

[/size]“I’m afraid that I don’t even know if my instincts are true or not.”[/size] It was a sad but true fact.

When Dexter had woken, he had forgotten most of his instincts. He had remembered the basics, his needs to survive, but sometimes he didn’t quite know when to flee bad situations or when to stay with good ones. He had lost all forms of social behavior. Dexter believed that he once had been a rather social dog, and now he was just an awkward mess.

Watching the canine closely, the dog was beginning to daydream, or maybe remember? They were bad memories, as Tar was beginning to shake and his eyes were glazed over. Dexter had begun to shake too, just fearing the thoughts of bad memories swirling through his mind. Then, Tar returned and questioned about his nightmares. Dexter didn’t want to delve deeply into these, as they were terrifying to think about, but he figured that Tar had similar ones and it’d be nice to be able to relate to someone.

[/size]“No, it’s not a problem at all,”[/size] he said in reply, sitting against his haunches as if preparing to give a big speech. [/size]“My dreams are muddled and often I can’t figure out what to make of them. Sometimes I dream of being on a farm. It’s a place that I know very well, but it’s not somewhere where I’m from. Someone tells me to keep my end of the deal or something bad will happen to me, so of course, I agree. And then I’m with Max, this dog that I know. He’s a kind dog and I think that he loves me, but then I attack him. Max doesn’t fight back; he thinks that I would never hurt him. But then there’s blood everywhere and I see the life draining out of his body. There’s disbelief in his eyes like he’s surprised I would do such a thing. But inside of me is this feeling of…revenge, of comfort, of relief.”[/size] Dexter stopped, his gaze reaching back to Tar. He realized that he had begun shaking. Normally, this dream wouldn’t be too terrifying to another canine, but it was just because Dexter had killed someone that he cared about that made it so scary. [/size]“How about you?”[/size] he asked, wondering if the dog would tell of his nightmares.

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Word Count: 552.
Notes: =D[/size]
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